May 14th

Most of the day went by in a blur. I only thought about Perl’s visit. We only managed to find the time to spend a few hours together and I’m already feeling better. I managed to get almost everything off my chest. Perl is an incredibly receptive listener, and always able to set my worries at ease. Was certainly delighted by his company tonight.

We talked about dreams for a while, then about the incident with the Land Squid a few days ago. He mentioned that Dr. Byrnes has a history of unusual and unnecessary cruelty with their survey creatures. He’s heard complaints from all over about a “distracting” amount of violent activity with captured specimens. He suggested we complain to the management. I’m a little conflicted: Black Mesa’s HR department is an obfuscated, overworked mess. But if Perl thinks it’ll do any good, I’ll do it to make him feel better.

Perl’s read On Dreams, not the larger volume I have, but close enough to get the same idea. He rationalized that reading psychology when one’s own feelings are shaky is a bad way to kickstart a bender of self-doubt and worry. I can’t argue with him there. I don’t think I’ve felt worse in my twenty-year career, with the possible exception of those weeks I spent finalizing my thesis back in university. I’ll return the books to the library tomorrow. They’ve left me with more questions than answers.

I didn’t tell him about my recent dream, but I’m not sure why. It’s uncharacteristic of me to withhold things from Perl. There’s something too private about it. Maybe I’m just paranoid.

He finally got a chance to look over the latest prototype, and all the grant money and accolades in the world couldn’t possibly compete with the slight smile on his face as I explained my recent adjustments. No changes were proposed. He said it’s perfect. That means a lot to me.
He said that calling it the QFC-235 is a little dry, though. I can understand why. I’ve been telling people the initials stand for “Quantum Flux Cannon,” but I really just named it after the store where I got my first job as a kid, Quality Foods Center. I’m not the most creative when it comes to names. Perl nicknamed his own XVL1456 prototype the “Tau Cannon,” which I always thought was pretty catchy, so I asked him what he’d call it. Without a moment’s pause, he just blurted out “Gluon Gun.” It’s really fitting, I think. I like it a lot.

He left a few minutes ago and I’m still piecing all my thoughts together. As he packed up, he kissed me briefly, like he usually does. I've come to expect those kisses and hope for them, but they still always take me by surprise. The sensation is brief and professional, but the feeling of warmth in my face lingers for hours. I hope Perl can visit again soon.

A lot of things clicked into place today. Tomorrow, I think I’m going to tour the whole facility, or most of it. I haven’t gotten around much in the last few years, a fact I’m only now realizing is a tragedy. I’m surrounded by some of the finest engineering novelties in human history, not to mention some of the finest minds on Earth, and I’m ignoring them. I’ll make sure to take some scopolamine tonight and hope I don’t get too motion sick over the day. It’ll be an experience, if nothing else.

Excited for tomorrow.

Signed,
Dale R.